here we go

I don't know why. If i did, i sure wouldn't be asking it. Why does it make me so angry when he goes to his friends house? ?! I don't like him, never have, but my bf is still friends with him....this means i have to tolerate him. and this would be ok if his gf wasn't cooking my bf food and if it didnt take my bf away from me. i know I have no rigght to be pissed. but nonetheless i am.

a tough lesson

I just recently told the love of my life that it was over. I thought I would hurt, I thought I would cry, that I'd feel something, maybe want to shrivel up and die? But instead I feel nothing. Not happiness, nor saddness or pain or regret. I feel nothing. I'm numb,I'm in a place that cannot be reached, one that we float off to and aren't sure if we will come back from. It's like being in limbo just very much alive.I wanted him to just say I hate you and never call again, but he isn't that way, and wants to be my friend. I am a regret in his life, he told me so himself, and yet all I can seem to muster is that I feel bad that he looks at me that way, only because I, myself look at us in the light that should be shown on our relationship. it was good, for a while, and when it was good, it was the best there could ever have been between two people--ever. So I'm sitting here with nothing. and let me tell you what, it's only when you have "nothing" by your side that you truly realize what "nothing" is.

life

Life Shouldn't be this way. I don't accurately know how to describe how I feel anymore, not even with the words I have become accustomed to. all I have are raw emotions, nothing more, and definitely nothing less. All I ask for was someone to be there for me, to love me, to care, to just "be" and I don't even get that. All i get is words, the very words that I can't come up with are coming out of other's mouths. I am Alone. not lonely, just alone, as in one not many, just me. I'm begining to think this is my destiny.

blah

I never dreamed a breaking heart would hurt so much, take so much from me, and kill me a little at a time. I am destined to be unhappy forever it seems, everytime I'm happy it's taken away, I'm ready for someone to come and stay and be the right person for me. :(

what a day

I woke up this morning with reasonably high expectations for the day. Mom was coming over, I was going to make some cookies, go to work have a rather uneventful night and go see a movie with Joel. Well my day was saddened...around tweleve my time, I found out a close associate of mine when I was in Cali had died of a heart attack last night. He turned 60 one day before, on april 1st. It hasn't quite hit me yet but I know when it does it will be very hard. He was a great person, a brave man, he would do anything for anyone within his means, yeah he was an asshole, but he was a true blue person. I'll remeber him forever. I learned this from my significant other, and it made me re-realize that life is short, and that anything can happen to anyone at anytime....fate destiny ya know....and me, sister and all, should always remember and keep that close to my heart. I wonder how I forgot?