Ok, spirit guides....how can we contact them, and do we only have one or more than one. How do I get into the plane where they reside, and what do I have to do once I can contact them. What feelings exactly am I supposed to have in dealing with them? does astral projection have anything to do with it?
and also, what has changed about a person, who you wouldn't let touch your deck before, but when she asked if she could touch them i told her yes....up until that day, those specific ones i wouldn't let anyone mess with....so what has changed? mind you, i'm not looking at this in a bad way, i don't even mind.
A WISE GIRL KISSES BUT DOESN’T LOVE,
LISTENS BUT DOESN’T BELIEVE,
AND LEAVES BEFORE SHE IS LEFT.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
well I"ll write some more tomorrw, or today perhaps, but I must say it's a great start to my birthday. Frankie and Roxie showed up to my party and I"m so glad. It wouldn't have been fun without them. Patrick sghe\owed up too.....you will have to excuse my spelling, i'm durnk, but had the best 23rd birthday I could have......wish you were here....all i really want is to see my parents, that would make my day worth it.....I htink i"m going to the fair tomorrow....it'll be fun......so I will write again soon. lots of love to all.................
Saturday, June 24, 2006
gone!
Well, I finally did, moved away from that horrible situation I was in. I'm glad I did though enough is enough, you know? I'm doing so much better here and love it. I can be around water all the time, and for some reason I think that is something that I need right now. I have been seeing 6 and 12 are becoming evident in my life, that seems to be the pattern anyhow.
It's good to slow and listen,
when others come your way,
It's good to pay attention,
to what others have to say.
It's good to have compassion,
when someone is not having a good day.
It's good to be the voice,
of those who really don't get a say.
It's good to remember you aren't alone,
on any given day,
It's good to ask for advice and to listen,
cause you never know what good will come your way.
It's good to slow and listen,
when others come your way,
It's good to pay attention,
to what others have to say.
It's good to have compassion,
when someone is not having a good day.
It's good to be the voice,
of those who really don't get a say.
It's good to remember you aren't alone,
on any given day,
It's good to ask for advice and to listen,
cause you never know what good will come your way.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the next step
What I'm about to type, I never thought I would admit. I'm afraid...to be out here, to live alone, to actually start life, and attempt to live the path I have chosen, with all it's ups and downs and criticism and sometimes I'd imagine, lonliness... I just realized that today, as I took in for the first time, that my real friends, the ones Ihave relyed on for the past three and a half years, (no matter how psycho she may be ....lol) are leaving me, and unless i go with things will never be the same. I'm so happy that I'm starting a new chapter, but so sad to see them go....but that's life and it must change so we can learn and grow.
I'm planning on starting to study my cards and their meanings in depth the day after I move. I'm going to be dedicated to going to school, for that degree, and also my buisness degree, if I can accomplish both of them in a year and a half, while working, it will be a very BIG thing for me, then I think I'll let myself go home for a while. I don't want to go back empty handed, I know momma and daddy wont care, and they'll just be happy to see me, but I still have something to prove, more to me than anyone else I guess. The gods are knocing on my door, if i can open it and listen instead of talk, well then I think I'll be ok. I think I'm gonna go back to the gym again, or start biking or running at least, to lose the weight I have gained.....so this "new life" part of my life will be hectic and busy....just the way I like it....most of the time anyhow.
I'm planning on starting to study my cards and their meanings in depth the day after I move. I'm going to be dedicated to going to school, for that degree, and also my buisness degree, if I can accomplish both of them in a year and a half, while working, it will be a very BIG thing for me, then I think I'll let myself go home for a while. I don't want to go back empty handed, I know momma and daddy wont care, and they'll just be happy to see me, but I still have something to prove, more to me than anyone else I guess. The gods are knocing on my door, if i can open it and listen instead of talk, well then I think I'll be ok. I think I'm gonna go back to the gym again, or start biking or running at least, to lose the weight I have gained.....so this "new life" part of my life will be hectic and busy....just the way I like it....most of the time anyhow.
where I belong?
"I have often dreamed of a far off place where a great warm welcome is waiting for me, and a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be, I can find my way, I can go the distance, I'll be there someday, if I can be strong, I know every mile will be worth my while, I would go most anywhere to feel that I belong."
I'm all by myself out here, with a few choice friends, but still question, is this where I'm meant to be? I know for right now it is, but sometimes I want to go "where everybody knows my name, and they're always glad you came" I don't think I have a place like that right now....I will find one eventually.
self critics, we are the hardest on ourselves... but is there any way that self criticism can be good?
I will find my answers, I know it, I just have to be patient and pay attention to the signs I'm not paying attention to....
"I Love You"
Means that I accept you for the person that you are,
and thatI don`t wish to change you intosomeone else.
It means that I donot expect perfection from you,
just as you don`t expect it from me...
"I Love You "
Means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times.
It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or to tired to do the things I want to do.
It means loving you when you`re down,
not just when you`re fun to be with.
" I Love You "
Means when you tell me your deepest secrets
I wont judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine.
It means that I care enough to fight for what we have
and that I love you enough not to let go.
It means thinking of you, dreamingof you,
wanting and needing you constantly,
and hoping you feel the same way for me.
" I Love You ... "
Means Forever.
one day I will find you.....
I'm all by myself out here, with a few choice friends, but still question, is this where I'm meant to be? I know for right now it is, but sometimes I want to go "where everybody knows my name, and they're always glad you came" I don't think I have a place like that right now....I will find one eventually.
self critics, we are the hardest on ourselves... but is there any way that self criticism can be good?
I will find my answers, I know it, I just have to be patient and pay attention to the signs I'm not paying attention to....
"I Love You"
Means that I accept you for the person that you are,
and thatI don`t wish to change you intosomeone else.
It means that I donot expect perfection from you,
just as you don`t expect it from me...
"I Love You "
Means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times.
It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or to tired to do the things I want to do.
It means loving you when you`re down,
not just when you`re fun to be with.
" I Love You "
Means when you tell me your deepest secrets
I wont judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine.
It means that I care enough to fight for what we have
and that I love you enough not to let go.
It means thinking of you, dreamingof you,
wanting and needing you constantly,
and hoping you feel the same way for me.
" I Love You ... "
Means Forever.
one day I will find you.....
Monday, June 19, 2006
Sensory Overload
Ok, where to start today...
I have been hit with so many things today, my brain is still processing! Let's see, first, I must say that I talked to my dad today, and it was really good to hear his voice, not opinion so much, cuause he told me i needed to go to church more...lol go figure. But it went really well anyway. I also talked to a guy that I haven't seen in oh about seven months...we had a thing...i don't know what it was it was more than a friendship but not a realtionship, so I'm not sure, but I was so suprised when he remembered my birthday and asked if I was gonna throw a party that weekend or the next, i still don't know, probably combine it with a fourth of july bash or something, but besides that he remembered my ideals and what made me tick. I didn't think he knew me that well...so you know I had to give him kudos for that, i mean we haven't even known each other that long, and at the time i told him these things i think we had known each other for a month or so. He wants to come see me. I don't think I'm ready to see him....
now, my roomie has been bitchy all day, I chalked it up to one of her moods, then tonight, she and I talked, like the friends we were before all of this happened. I didn't realize how much pain she is in and is going through. I also talked to my other friend. She lost her baby today. There is pain all around me, i feel that I should be in pain too. I hate seeing people I love suffer....and the sad thing is I can't console either of them. I have been thinking about my life and the pain I have gone through, it's made me stronger I think, but I also found that I have a regret, and I always say that I never regret anything I do, but this one I do, it's during my gram's funeral, well lack of going, see mom had just had the twins and they needed to be taken care of, so i went along, to the funeral home, and I walkd in , and turned around walking right back out. I never saw my gram, I wish now, that I had looked in the casket, it's the only thing I regret... So much pain and suffering in the world. I wish I could make it stop.
and the last event of the day, was more of an all day event, i did research on the Bible and what it says about tarot, metaphysical things and that sort.....here is what I found and my conclusion (sorta)
GOD, THE CARDS, AND ME
Deuteronomy 18:10-13
Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination, or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium, or spiritist who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD and because of these detestable practices the LORD your GOD will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the LORD.
1. Ok, so when I accepted JESUS as LORD and SAVIOR, I was forgiven of all my sins. That would or I assume should, make me blameless in the eyes of the LORD, correct?
2. Why would it be so detestable to GOD if I was using those things my gifts, to help others?
But then it says…..
Deuteronomy 18:14-22
The nations you will dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery or divination, but as for you, the LORD has not permitted you to do so. The LORD will raise up a prophet like me from your own brothers. You must listen to him…18.I will put my words in his mouth says the LORD, and he will tell them everything I command….20 but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods must be put to death. If what a prophet proclaims in the name of GOD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken.
1. Ok, so if that is the case…..I can listen to a prophet who very well could be a fraud, but not listen to the cards which are right about 90% of the time, in my experience, because they are evil.
2. It states that if what a prophet says doesn’t happen its not from god, so does that means since my cards are correct that its GOD showing me what he wants me to know? And if so, then why is HE so dead set against them?
3. Why is it ok to listen to or be a prophet but not a medium, which, in my dictionary is basically the same thing?
Hebrews 13:9
Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not ceremonial foods which are of no value to those who eat them.
1. Doesn’t “strange” seem to fit the whole “eye of the beholder” deal? Because, what is strange to me may not be strange to someone else. Or vise versa, lots of room for interpretation in this one.
Proverbs 11:17, 24
A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.
One man gives freely yet gains even more. Another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.
Ok, these are only two examples in the book that is the best example of GOD proving to us that what goes around, comes around, which would lead me to believe that HE is talking about KARMA.
PREMONITION: a foreboding, as of impending danger
Now, it seems to me, with that being the definition of premonition, that a lot of people in the Bible have prophetic dreams, or premonitions. They are told to do what the LORD wants in those dreams. Revelations is the biggest example of dream prophesy in the Bible, a whole book is dedicated to one of Paul’s dreams, that ends in disaster, by the way, unless you are saved
1. If Paul did that and could see those things, predicting events far far into the future that he didn’t know would exist and it was ok with GOD, then why, since I have that gift according to other books and scriptures in the Bible, am I not supposed to use it because it didn’t “come from GOD” although HE would have to be ultimately responsible for any gift I have, supernatural or not.
CONCLUSION: I don’t know.
The facts, if they are that, are contradicting themselves. I believe al my questions are somewhat rhetorical ones and I just don’t know (ok, so maybe don’t want to know) the answers to. I think it is ok to use my gifts and powers for good, not evil, but I still don’t know what GOD thinks about these issues. Like I said before, this is VERY contradicting.
Afterthought:
I’m not following or worshiping any other gods or anything else, I’m still bound to GOD even while I’m working with the cards. I ask the HOLY SPIRIT to protect me and guide me in all that I do, so it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong….right?
so thoughts would be helpful
I have been hit with so many things today, my brain is still processing! Let's see, first, I must say that I talked to my dad today, and it was really good to hear his voice, not opinion so much, cuause he told me i needed to go to church more...lol go figure. But it went really well anyway. I also talked to a guy that I haven't seen in oh about seven months...we had a thing...i don't know what it was it was more than a friendship but not a realtionship, so I'm not sure, but I was so suprised when he remembered my birthday and asked if I was gonna throw a party that weekend or the next, i still don't know, probably combine it with a fourth of july bash or something, but besides that he remembered my ideals and what made me tick. I didn't think he knew me that well...so you know I had to give him kudos for that, i mean we haven't even known each other that long, and at the time i told him these things i think we had known each other for a month or so. He wants to come see me. I don't think I'm ready to see him....
now, my roomie has been bitchy all day, I chalked it up to one of her moods, then tonight, she and I talked, like the friends we were before all of this happened. I didn't realize how much pain she is in and is going through. I also talked to my other friend. She lost her baby today. There is pain all around me, i feel that I should be in pain too. I hate seeing people I love suffer....and the sad thing is I can't console either of them. I have been thinking about my life and the pain I have gone through, it's made me stronger I think, but I also found that I have a regret, and I always say that I never regret anything I do, but this one I do, it's during my gram's funeral, well lack of going, see mom had just had the twins and they needed to be taken care of, so i went along, to the funeral home, and I walkd in , and turned around walking right back out. I never saw my gram, I wish now, that I had looked in the casket, it's the only thing I regret... So much pain and suffering in the world. I wish I could make it stop.
and the last event of the day, was more of an all day event, i did research on the Bible and what it says about tarot, metaphysical things and that sort.....here is what I found and my conclusion (sorta)
GOD, THE CARDS, AND ME
Deuteronomy 18:10-13
Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination, or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium, or spiritist who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD and because of these detestable practices the LORD your GOD will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the LORD.
1. Ok, so when I accepted JESUS as LORD and SAVIOR, I was forgiven of all my sins. That would or I assume should, make me blameless in the eyes of the LORD, correct?
2. Why would it be so detestable to GOD if I was using those things my gifts, to help others?
But then it says…..
Deuteronomy 18:14-22
The nations you will dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery or divination, but as for you, the LORD has not permitted you to do so. The LORD will raise up a prophet like me from your own brothers. You must listen to him…18.I will put my words in his mouth says the LORD, and he will tell them everything I command….20 but a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods must be put to death. If what a prophet proclaims in the name of GOD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken.
1. Ok, so if that is the case…..I can listen to a prophet who very well could be a fraud, but not listen to the cards which are right about 90% of the time, in my experience, because they are evil.
2. It states that if what a prophet says doesn’t happen its not from god, so does that means since my cards are correct that its GOD showing me what he wants me to know? And if so, then why is HE so dead set against them?
3. Why is it ok to listen to or be a prophet but not a medium, which, in my dictionary is basically the same thing?
Hebrews 13:9
Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not ceremonial foods which are of no value to those who eat them.
1. Doesn’t “strange” seem to fit the whole “eye of the beholder” deal? Because, what is strange to me may not be strange to someone else. Or vise versa, lots of room for interpretation in this one.
Proverbs 11:17, 24
A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.
One man gives freely yet gains even more. Another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.
Ok, these are only two examples in the book that is the best example of GOD proving to us that what goes around, comes around, which would lead me to believe that HE is talking about KARMA.
PREMONITION: a foreboding, as of impending danger
Now, it seems to me, with that being the definition of premonition, that a lot of people in the Bible have prophetic dreams, or premonitions. They are told to do what the LORD wants in those dreams. Revelations is the biggest example of dream prophesy in the Bible, a whole book is dedicated to one of Paul’s dreams, that ends in disaster, by the way, unless you are saved
1. If Paul did that and could see those things, predicting events far far into the future that he didn’t know would exist and it was ok with GOD, then why, since I have that gift according to other books and scriptures in the Bible, am I not supposed to use it because it didn’t “come from GOD” although HE would have to be ultimately responsible for any gift I have, supernatural or not.
CONCLUSION: I don’t know.
The facts, if they are that, are contradicting themselves. I believe al my questions are somewhat rhetorical ones and I just don’t know (ok, so maybe don’t want to know) the answers to. I think it is ok to use my gifts and powers for good, not evil, but I still don’t know what GOD thinks about these issues. Like I said before, this is VERY contradicting.
Afterthought:
I’m not following or worshiping any other gods or anything else, I’m still bound to GOD even while I’m working with the cards. I ask the HOLY SPIRIT to protect me and guide me in all that I do, so it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong….right?
so thoughts would be helpful
Sunday, June 18, 2006
dreaming
wow, I never thought I would say this, but I miss my dreams. This is like the sixth day in a row that I have not dreamt. The last one was me talking with my best friend, and I can't say for sure, but I think we had the soul chatter going on. Which by the way was completely awesome. I felt so alive and like a weight was taken off my shoulders the next morning. The one before that warned about the earthquake up abouve LA that happened this week....and now, I have absolutely none. I am thinking that I should be greatful for this, but somehow I am saddened.
I didn't attend church today, obviously since I'm typing now, but I am going to open the one book that hasn't been opened by me in a very long time....I still feel soo wierd about my two worlds colliding.
There are some classes that are at a store I go to often, I think I'm going to take them, maybe they will help me understand more about metaphysics and how to use what I have been blessed (or cursed, depending on which day you ask me,) with. I'm in an awesome mood today mostly because I think I know I'm gone from this place in only four short days....Then I can be generally happy :)
I didn't attend church today, obviously since I'm typing now, but I am going to open the one book that hasn't been opened by me in a very long time....I still feel soo wierd about my two worlds colliding.
There are some classes that are at a store I go to often, I think I'm going to take them, maybe they will help me understand more about metaphysics and how to use what I have been blessed (or cursed, depending on which day you ask me,) with. I'm in an awesome mood today mostly because I think I know I'm gone from this place in only four short days....Then I can be generally happy :)
a poem
The moon shines brightly
throughout the night.
Reminding me,
of the never ending Light.
It envigorates me,
gives me reason to be,
Reminding me to never give up hope
that things can't b as bad as they seem.
I need to relax and free my mind
and at the beach its never hard to find.
I wish it would work every time I try
but lets face it,
it's going to take many more lifetimes.
that i don't have to live,
so i need to get it right,
before my will begins to give
and i don't have the strength to succeed
i must find my place and free my spirit
so i can be happy
and my smile will show it.
not one of the best but it's just as confusing as i am right now.
throughout the night.
Reminding me,
of the never ending Light.
It envigorates me,
gives me reason to be,
Reminding me to never give up hope
that things can't b as bad as they seem.
I need to relax and free my mind
and at the beach its never hard to find.
I wish it would work every time I try
but lets face it,
it's going to take many more lifetimes.
that i don't have to live,
so i need to get it right,
before my will begins to give
and i don't have the strength to succeed
i must find my place and free my spirit
so i can be happy
and my smile will show it.
not one of the best but it's just as confusing as i am right now.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Growing Pains
Well, where do I start? It seems like my life is completely crumbling before me. I feel weak and disoriented and have no clue what direction I'm going in. I want to be happy, but I'm finding that it seems just out of my grasp. I have been thrust into a situation that is not good, but can't leave because of some false sense of loyalty, I know that sounds bad because they are supposed to be my friends, but I just can't do this anymore, it's making me sick, litterally and I can't live like this. i am starting to understand what a friend of mine was telling me. She's usually right, and you know what, for some reason I'm ok with that. I listen to her more than any one right now, besides my mom, and somehow, I don't think my mom would really appreciate me talking with her about the things we talk about. I'm kinda glad she's always right, and from now on it seems, i'm not going to second guess her. I need to stop second guessing myself and learn to rely on myself and my instincts in everything I do, and not just certain things. So these lessons I must learn, I think I am finally ready to be taught. Help myself first then others, even I can't fix the world, and God did rest on the seventh day.
And yet I wonder. I was going to go to church tomorrow, but I don't know.....I feel wierd about going because of the way I beleive now. I don't want HIM to be upset with me, and even though HE sees me everyday and knows what I do, I feel REALLY exposed at church, and I don't want to see hypocritical.....So that's my delemma for the weekend. We'll see if I go, and what to do about it if I dont.
And yet I wonder. I was going to go to church tomorrow, but I don't know.....I feel wierd about going because of the way I beleive now. I don't want HIM to be upset with me, and even though HE sees me everyday and knows what I do, I feel REALLY exposed at church, and I don't want to see hypocritical.....So that's my delemma for the weekend. We'll see if I go, and what to do about it if I dont.
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