isn't it something....

Nature
Isn't it something?
Love
Isn't it something?
Frindship
Isn't it something?
Autumn
Isn't it something?
Space,
Isn't it something?
Time
Isn't is something?
Happiness
Isn't is something?
Family
Isn't it something?
Isn't it something to have these things in your life,
Regardless of whether they give you heart ache or strife?
Isn't it something to share with others
The beauty in all around us, even when all we percieve is bad?
Isn't it something to be positive in such a negative world?
Isn't it something, the birth of a child?
Isn't it something, that makes life worth while?
Is it the stars or the sun?
The rain or the snow?
Is it the battle that is won?
Is it because you slayed the foe?
Is it your family in whom you put trust?
Or in your friends who stick by you in the end
Or in that person filled with lust?
Or in letters that cherished ones send?
So what is that something
No one's is the same,
It's about as different as each of our names.
But the somethings we choose have one thing in common,
With out them in our lives,
In the end we will lose.


I was walking to the apartment tonight when i got home from work and I caught a whiff of back home it was a mixture of rain, damp soil, and pine. I remembered a time so long ago when i used to go to camp, and i remember how much fun i had and how much that smell reminded me of home. I rememberd all the people i met and how they influenced me in those so critical years of my life. And as I remember them I wonder if they remember me, and if I touched some of them as they also did me. OH how I long for those days again.

bells whistles and trains

well now, first it was the sound of an ice cream truck, and now its a constantly ringing telephone, everyone is thinking i'm crazy cause i keep looking around hearing things no one else can....its geetting old too.... i've asked woh so many times that i'm not getting an answer to eiether one, but then maybe i'm not listening.

today

You continue to drive with one foot on the gas pedal and one foot on the brake, yet cannot understand why you are slowing down when you try to accelerate. For every reason to move forward there's another one telling you to stand still. But logical analysis isn't going to give you the resolution that you seek. Let go of the brake; your thoughts will only muddy the real issues of the heart.


yep thats my horoscope for today... and its pretty accurate. and you know what pisses me off more than anything? Yep, you guessed it. . . fairweather friends. they want to help you with everything one minute, but then when you need them to help you, they are "too busy" or have "other things to do" or can't "break a nail" to even attempt to help you. you know if i could rid my life of these people i would cause you know what? I DONT NEED THEM they THINK i do but i've NEVER needed them and don't really want them. so they need to get off that HIGH AND MIGHTY HORSE you think you are on, just because you have years on me and i'm only a "youngin" so what do i know? really? you think i have absolutely nothing to contribute to society well have i got a REALITY CHECK for you. I AM young, there's no denying that, but i have ideas, most of them well thought out and good, i have opinions and they matter, and oh wait, here comes the suprise....YOU DON"T MATTER TO ME!, and IT DOESNT MATTER!! so the next time you so called "friends" would like to criticize me for being to young or naive or stupid, however you would like to phrase it, FUCK YOU cause i don't need it, negativity and pressure of other's opinions do not matter to me anymore.

a thought

i choose the thoughts that let the minor details of life be handled easily and effortlessly. it is easy for me to put my finger on the pulse of life and be in tune with every person, place, and thing. i touch my world with love.

intoxicating

this perfume is intoxicating, and yet i can't help but wonder where i have smelled it before, and on whom. it reminds me of someone that i've met or shared special times wiht, but who i'm not sure, i wish i could remember who it is yet in a weird way it smells like my mom and gram mixed together... although they each have their individual scent, but like i said, if they were mixed i'd imagine they would smell like this...maybe my dreams can help me....

thoughts

to some i am weak,
to others i'm strong,
sometimes i'm right,
other times horribly wrong.
others judge what they do not understand
it's so hard, coping with them
they think you aren't ready for life,
that you are insecure and too young
after all, you haven't lived, what do you have to give?
well i say we have a lot to give,
if only you would look inside,
to where peace and love and caring reside.
we can teach you things you'd never dream
even in those times when we are mean
so give us a chance before you judge,
and think you know all there is about me,
because if you would only look closer,
i could show you the rest of me.

wanted again

well tonite, i found out about myself that i never thought i would. i was made to understand how lonely i am and also how sensitive, and well, not so perfect i am, that ineed to quit trying so hard. I also felt what its like to be wanted again. i had a good nite with the tman who devided that i was worth something more... more than pretty eyes or a good smile. and reakkt he wants me but knows it can never happen and he is ok with that the point is that he was there when i needed him, nobody else was that i invited tonite. nobody talked to me and nobody cared but he did....so i'm wondering if he isnt worth annexing my plans to find out where else he can help me grow..

unwanted

We all want something to believe in
Something to put all ourselves into
All of us want to be wanted,
I just want to be wanted again.
I remember the time when i was envied,
for many things, you see,
I had parents that were good to me,
i had the family others would die for,
I was on the winning side of this war.
Now it seems like I'm all alone,
No one cares when or if i come home,
Wrapped up in their lives, too busy for me,
and i wonder if they would trade places with me.
DOn't get me wrong,
my family is always there, they want me always near,
and honestly, that's all that should really matter.
But for some reason i need justification
of what?
that i'm worth something to someone,
that someone cares enough to worry about me,
other than my parents that is, because after all
they have to love me, we're family.
So I want to be wanted agian,
know that i'm needed,
and see that i'm still loved.

How do I know?

So, I was listening to a program on the christian channel in the car on my way home today, the man was talking about how when the 10 commandments were issued taht it only said not to commit adultury and how the israelites thought it meant physically, well Jesus told them that it was not only that way, that if you lusted after someone with your heart or mind you were just as guilty as the person who did it physically. And that when we will be judeged on judgement day that God will look only at our hearts and that our thoughts reflect what's in our hearts, (well not only, but for all intents and purposes here, it will be) So my question would be if I have bad thoughts about someone whether lustful, murderous, or otherwise, does that mean my heart also turns bad?