dreamer

Well, a lot has happened so far this week. It hasn't been so great either. Lets see, my shipping is all messed up, i revisited two events that I rather would not have, bringng back memories and flashes that need to stay covered forever. I'm growing in the gifts that are bestowed on me, not liking it too much though. And boys, God , where do I start? I don't know what is cosmicly wrong with my life right now, other than, well, EVERYTHING. he's going home, which i thought was good, at least we'd be closer, and the chance of something between us would be greater. i had to ask myself then, is his home where i'm going after i am at mine for however long i'm there? and then i kick myself and say "self, don't be stupid, you are a notch on his belt, he'll forget you exist and anyways, he's just trying to play you." but the dreamer part of me doesnt want to listen to reason, or common sense, and I want him to be my knight in shining armor, my tower, my love, the "one" and we'll ride away together in each other's arms and live happily ever after. and then, zip, back to reality for me, and knowing somehow that no matter how it ends, that it must. Sometimes I hate being a dreamer, it leads me astray, and wills me to live in a fantasy place, full of beauty and wonder, and unreal, or untrue things. But, it's me i guess.