Growing Pains

Well, where do I start? It seems like my life is completely crumbling before me. I feel weak and disoriented and have no clue what direction I'm going in. I want to be happy, but I'm finding that it seems just out of my grasp. I have been thrust into a situation that is not good, but can't leave because of some false sense of loyalty, I know that sounds bad because they are supposed to be my friends, but I just can't do this anymore, it's making me sick, litterally and I can't live like this. i am starting to understand what a friend of mine was telling me. She's usually right, and you know what, for some reason I'm ok with that. I listen to her more than any one right now, besides my mom, and somehow, I don't think my mom would really appreciate me talking with her about the things we talk about. I'm kinda glad she's always right, and from now on it seems, i'm not going to second guess her. I need to stop second guessing myself and learn to rely on myself and my instincts in everything I do, and not just certain things. So these lessons I must learn, I think I am finally ready to be taught. Help myself first then others, even I can't fix the world, and God did rest on the seventh day.

And yet I wonder. I was going to go to church tomorrow, but I don't know.....I feel wierd about going because of the way I beleive now. I don't want HIM to be upset with me, and even though HE sees me everyday and knows what I do, I feel REALLY exposed at church, and I don't want to see hypocritical.....So that's my delemma for the weekend. We'll see if I go, and what to do about it if I dont.