quizes

You scored as Peter Pan. Your alter ego is Peter Pan. You are a child at heart. Anything you believe is possible, and you never want to grow up. Peter Pan 100% Goofy 94% Snow White 75% The Beast 75% Donald Duck 69% Sleeping Beauty 63% Cinderella 50% Pinocchio 50% Cruella De Ville 25% Ariel 19% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Archetype. You are the prototype for angels. You are the first thought that comes to mind when anyone mentions the word. Often times people stereotype you, but you ignore it. You tend to be religious. Archetype 71% Archangel 69% Demoness 58% Fallen Angel 52% The Angel of Death 48% Guardian Angel 46% The Anti-Heroine 46% Archdemoness 25% Are you an Angel or a Demoness? (anime pics) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Green. Being in a presence of a person with a strong and green Aura is a very peaceful and restful experience. Green thought indicates a restful state and healing. Green 100% Yellow 89% Purple 86% Orange 86% Crystal 79% Red 79% Blue 71% White 39% Aura Color created with QuizFarm.com

rules

It's not a good time for me,
Definitely not good for you,
So who i wonder wrote these rules,
That everyone believes is true?
So many things i'd love to say,
but just can't find quite the right way.
If i say what is on my mind,
I'll break someone's heart
being not so kind.
And if i don't,
a gap will form
between friends,
whose ties are torn.
All want what we can't have,
or do we really?
maybe not
fantasies are other things
much better than real life,
they take away the pressure,
they alliviate some strife.
so keep a secret as long as you can,
hurt no one,
especially not your fellow man.
when the time is right
you'll know what to do.
tell them or not,
let it all play out new.

You scored as You are an innocent Angel. You are an Innocent Angel. You have done no one any wrong, and probably never will. Although you may be quite nieve in the ways of the world, you shouldn't have to worry about that because you most likely will never leave your home in the clouds! You are an innocent Angel 81% You are an Angel of Pain 75% You are an Angel of Beauty 69% Angel of Light 56% You are half Fallen/ half Light Angel! 38% What kind of Angel are you??(PICS) created with QuizFarm.com

job

This job is not worth it, guess I'll start looking for something better on monday. or tuesday even.....

ENERGY 2

AGHHHH I'm still as livid as the hours ago that I wrote my last entry. I LOVE This feeling too, it's an all natural high. I want to put it in a jar and up on a shelf and take it down on the dark and dreary days. Lallalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala i wish i could figure out what happened!!

ENERGY

I feel it today. Can you feel it to? There is an emmense amount of energy surrounding me, and others that i am with. I don't know if i did this, white lite and all, or if there is something BIG about to happen. I just know i'm livid, on edge and LOVING it!!! I am happy, and hes the best night sleep i've had in months. It was a wonderful dreaming night. all beautiful and contentedness about the place. I found the part of me that likes to live in my dream world.

when flies rule the world

I'm sitting here watching a fly on my window. He has been buzzing for a while and still doesn't understand what he must do to get out from between the window and the blinds. I wonder, are thier brains so small that they can't grasp what they are trying to do or what it takes to do it? And then I wonder, did GOD equip them with brains? I think he did, just not the kind that we have, cause then we'd have flies trying to take over the world and sh*t. It's amazing, if insects brains were more developed than what they are, they could easily take over the world, like ants, for instance, they get so much done by working together that if they really wanted to and had the capacity to do it, they could rule the world. ...that would be an interesting twist to my story....a fly world.

love

When you love somebody you can move mountains,
When you love somebody differences don't matter,
When you love somebody you deal with things you normally wouldn't
When you love somebody sacrifice doesn't seem so bad
When you love somebody you will do anything they ask
When you love somebody making up after a fight is so much better,
When you love somebody you don't remember why you started arguing
When you love somebody fears aren't as fearful to you
When you love somebody you don't want to let go.
When you love somebody when you do let go it hurts forever,
When you love somebody even when they hurt you, you can't stop loving them.
When you love somebody you can't see the faults there might be.
When you love somebody you will do what it takes to keep them, as friends, as lovers, and soulmates.


So, I guess the reason I can't let him go and want to help him,even when I don't want to, is because I love him.

i don't

I don't know anybody famous, I don't know anything intellecutal, I'm not wise beyond my years. I don't have philosophies or theories that make a point, I have nothing to offer, nothing to give, i'm just sitting here, waiting to live. I'll never win a nobel prize, walk the red carpet with pride, I'll never be as smart as Einstein. I'll never win a grammy, I'm not sarcastic, witty, a smartass or comedian, i'm just me. I don't endorse reality, but revel in dreams and creativity. Some people think that's silly, some may think it's strange, but its all I know and I think in the long run that's all that should matter?

awake

Well, its 2:18 am and I'm still not asleep. I'm sitting here holding my pink and white unicorn. She's beautiful, reminds me of my sister so much. she makes me feel close to her. I'm thinking way too much today. I'm missing my mom and dad even more. Some guy came in the store today that looked and acted just like my dad, it made me start thinking about him, and induced a whole plethora of memories. My fifth birthday, sheba, the bear, how much he loves me and all the pain i've put him through, the things I said, the way I behaved, and I wonder if he still holds those things against me, i don't ever think I told him I am sorry...maybe I sould call and do just that, better late than never....right? God, I wish I could find some way to have my family out here, and not feel so homesick.

Awake
I lay here awake,
entertained with my thoughts,
for goodness sake,
I'm swimming in regret,
in a deep pool of sorrow.
I shouldn't be feeling this old yet.
I'm praying for peace,
it seems to elude me tonite.
my thoughts will not cease.
There are too many questions,
I have left unanswered,
afraid of the reality,
that those answers might bring.
But for some reason I belive,
that those answers wouldn't be such a bad thing.

the loss of words

The loss for words

I want to write
but words wont flow.
Any other time they do,
but today I just don't know.
creativity, jargon, verbs,
none of it's happening for me
why oh why and please oh please,
are my only viable pleas.
I am in my own little world
where writing doesn't seem to exist.
A land with out writing,
now what would that be?
could we survive in this kind of land,
you and me?
would we be able to live, be able to survive,
could we do that, just take five?
from this life or the next,
just stop and wait for nothing?
that's what a world without writing would be,
a nothing place, never fun for you and me.
so even though i can't find the words today,
i'm going to keep trying, keep looking,
and hopefully tonite i'll have something to say.

Pressure

Well, I realized I am doing it again. I thought if I could get away from home it would stop, that I could change the one thing about me that I hated. I did for a while, now I'm slipping back into the realm of doing things for other people instead of me, so that they will be happy, and once again I am catering to their needs instead of what I really want. I like who I am now, and I'm going to like whomever I become, even if everyone else says that I need to get a "reality grip". To some, I live in a fantasy place, just because I love the things I do, and I love to be creative, and because they seem to think i'd be better off the way i was, they do everything they can to stifle it and "bring me back to reality" cause life isn't like that. Well believe me, I know life isn't like that, I do live in reality 24/7, so when I can be happy and positive about things I do, because I never know when the next opportunity will be. I have some idealistic veiws on things and some are not so normal, giving me the lable of a freak or a dork. But you know what, it is after all, just a lable and i don't care what they say. But people want so many things from me, and I want to make them all happy , but i have to do me right now, and if writing and being creative makes me happy, and making myself stay in my little world for even ten mins relieves me of reality so can can stay the way i am then that is what i'm going to do. I don't have to explain myself to anyone for any reason, and if they expect something like that from me, then i don't really think that they should have the title of friend, and that goes for anybody in general, not just me, because a friend doesn't expect an answer, they stay with you no matter what, through no matter what, and even when you act stupid. they always love you and care for you, friendship is the greatest gift of all.

what to do?

I already think i know the answer, just really no clue.... ok, i want to go to tx but not until it's set up so that I know I will have a secure place to work and stay. that of course will take an insurrmountable ammount of time. I'm willing to wait for it, but it seems that he isn't. I like where I am now, I'm comfortable and happy...to give that up at this present moment, seems kind of , no not kind of , really stupid, but then again, opportunities don't just present themselves for no reason at all. so i don't necessarily need an answer, but maybe justification, that i'm right and doing the right thing.....i need justification alot..... :(

never right

There are just certain people in the world that can never be wrong, they always have to be right, even if they have no clue what the hell is going on or haven't got a clue as to the facts but somehow they always have to be right anyhow. so what is that about? why must these people always be right? Why is it so important for them ? Do they really have so little confidence in themselves that they have to prove something to everyone? These people, I have also found, like to mold people, especially friends, the way they see fit, and the way that it makes the most sense to them, even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. These people don't realize that you can't make people do what you want, just so you can always be right. Mostly these people have the best of intentions although the way it comes out of their mouth is not like that at all. It often seems like they are trying everything they can to crush your spirit, and to kill your dreams before they even have the chance to manifest. How do we handle these people? I have yet to figure out that mystery to life....

p.s. afterthought
I have noticed that my eyes have become electric blue and have been getting headaches

time is....

Time is

Time is precious,
time is rare,
time doesnt' matter,
as long as you are there.

Time is how fast the years go by,
time is slow,
it makes you want to sigh,
time goes faster than it ought,

time really shouldn't matter,
it makes everyones stomanchs tie in nots,
whether we're late, or early , or just barely make it,
time is nothing more than a control,
used to manipulate society the way it wants us to be.

Time doesn't exist, it's just you and me.
and since it doesn't
we can always be.

always be together,
always be free,
always how and where and when
we really aught to be.

time is for everyone,
but not when you are with me.

Lost Is...

Lost Is….
07JUL06

Lost is me without you
Lost is one without two,
Lost is a black hole no one sees,
Lost is the baby bird that falls out of the trees.
Lost is the kid that everyone picks on,
Lost is the moment of silence at dawn.
Lost is the memory of those who move on,
Lost is the mother deer that can’t find her fawn.
Lost is the widow with no where to go,
Lost are the lovers who’ll never know.
Lost is the time that innocence lived
Now is the time to give and give.
Lost is not found,
Lost is always around,
It’s in the world around you,
In the colors of the wind,
It’s in everyone’s eyes you meet,
It’s everyone smiling walking down your street.
It’s never fun, happy or free,
Lost is alone, afraid, and slave
To the whims and fancys of the world
We can’t control it, but wish we could,
But then again it’s LOST,
Do you think we really should?

mercury in retrograde

I HATE it when mercury is this way....it makes EVERYTHING go soooooo very very wrong. today has sucked ass. nothing went right, work sucked, i kept messing everything up, and going really slow, i just messed up in general, and then my appt today, i was an hour late....because NOBODY out of all the millions of marines at miramar knew wehere the building was, then while i was there it only took like ten mins, then traffic was a bitch, and I miss my parents....such a bad case of home sickness. i should have went home when I had the chance.i just feel like the biggest fuck up today. so i'm going to bed feeling like this hoping tomorrow isn't nearly as bad.

fullfilled?

I believe i won't have lived unless i'm fullfilled...though i wonder if i will ever be fullfilled? only because my growing curiosity and insatiable hunger for wisdom and knowledge never stop.

writing is....

The need to write
4JUL06

Writing is like water,
It satisfies the thirst,
Writing is like food,
Satisfies the hunger,
Writing is like chocolate,
Always sweet and fullfilling,
Writing is like the night,
Calming, quiet, and powerful,
Writing is like the river,
Constantly flowing, always cleansing,
Writing is like a doctor,
Healing, caring, and listening,
Writing is like crying,
A release of emotions, the break in a dam
Writing is like a bird,
Free flying, free floating, free.
Writing is like a tattoo,
It comes as easy it goes.
Writing is like coming home,
Warm, relaxing, and familiar.
Writing is like the ocean,
So many possibilities, goes on forever,
Writing is like a therapist,
Always willing to listen,
But most of all writing is like the universe,
Encompassing all mankind, all energy, and everything nothing else will take.
Amazing us with every turn of events and wonderful thing this life has to bring.

exhaustion

Well, I made it through my first night of work, and it was busy, but so much fun. I was so exhausted when I got home I had no choice but to sleep...and how i'd love to say it was dream free...but it wasn't. I saw a baby last night, I've seen her many times throughout my dream travels, but she is always the same, smiling, beautiful, and I feel an immense amount of love for her.

Anyhow, I have quite a perdicament on my hands. My grandmother had to go in for surgery, her doctors found lumps in her intestinges they think are cancerous....and normally I would be caring and praying and worring but this woman trash talked my momma and my daddy and i'm still really really really mad at her for it. and sadly enough, it doesn't seem to matter what happens to her in my eyes. I ask for guidance every night that I feel something, compassion, love, sympathy, anything but the hate and disgust I feel...it hasn't been working. I want to feel something, because of my dad and all, he still cares about her, i guess just because he has to it is his mom, of course, so I don't know how to change my thinking but wish i could....

By the way, HAPPY 4TH of JULY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

will write more tomorrow.....

ok, so i did some checking and a baby means new beginings and a new phase in our life....it makes sense for where I am right now in my life.

confessions

Well can I just say today+me=BAD. There are those days when you just need somebody but the somebody you need isn't there, you know, cause they have their own life and are too caught up in it to help you, or just because they don't answer the phone, much busier than you think so they can't really help either. So you find the next best person and spill it all. And afterward, you feel really really good, and a little silly....your problem doesn't seem so big when you give words to it. But she understands and that means more that you really thought it ever could. It's good to know that you aren't the only one who feels the way you do. Then to go hand in hand to the person that you want to talk to is the person that you don't and who you really didn't want to be bothered with. Of course all day you really didn't want to be bothered, isn't wasnt only that one, but ANY one and yet they want to be around you, so what to do in that situation? For fear of sounding bitchy or obnoxious or a brat you didn't want to say anything but accepted the compnay just the same....and the person you have been trying to reach is so close to you but so far away, you can't make the connection you need, and covet so very much right now. So you will deal with your demons without her, for the first time in your life you go it on your own. but it gives you comfort to know that friend that was there for you will always be there for you , no matter how crazy your thoughts or dreams may become. And you wonder, do I deserve the people in my life? probably not, but I've been blessed with them anyway so hopefully the Gods/esses wont ever take them away.

I just came back from a ride around town and it cleared my head quite a bit, but what I must say I just realized again for the like ten millionth time, I stopped off at the park to swing on the swings. I love doing that you know, if i could spend every day on a swing I'd have it made. But anyhow, while I was swinging I said to myself "self, how can you forget what this feels like, the feeling of being a child again? It's indescribable but yet you forget it so easily?" well of course having no answer for my self i just continued to swing, but perhaps someday I will understand why its so easy to forget how to play, experience the world and love like a child
blessed be everyone.

start work tomorrow, hope tonite goes better than last so i don't be sleepy....i'm soooo excited.

Reflections

Well, it's so great to be back at my keyboard, spilling my guts...so to speak...even if certain other people think i talk too much....lol (its ok I know I do) Anyhow.....I'm FINALLY free!!! no more military no more stupidity, and definitely no more gun belt! I have never felt so free. I did my first reading last night, where i didn't need to check the book ( I did anyhow, just to see if I was on or not with my lil description.) I'm so proud of myself! And I finally understand why all karma is good. all it is is how you react to it.

yesterday, before I knew that information was misunderstood, I wondered how in the world my teacher had so much faith in me, after all, I am just learning, I didn't think, well still don't think that I'm ready to do it for real, reading friends and people I am close to is one thing, complete strangers? That's kind of scary to me. I want to say thanks for believing in me, even when I don't really believe in myself. And opening up all kinds of avenues that I have never dreamed or imagined were there.
ok i'm having issues with seeing the same numbers, 222 555 111 always in threes, any ideas?
i like this link.....
http://members.shaw.ca/faithshannon/innerguide/innerguide.htm