Well, I made it through my first night of work, and it was busy, but so much fun. I was so exhausted when I got home I had no choice but to sleep...and how i'd love to say it was dream free...but it wasn't. I saw a baby last night, I've seen her many times throughout my dream travels, but she is always the same, smiling, beautiful, and I feel an immense amount of love for her.
Anyhow, I have quite a perdicament on my hands. My grandmother had to go in for surgery, her doctors found lumps in her intestinges they think are cancerous....and normally I would be caring and praying and worring but this woman trash talked my momma and my daddy and i'm still really really really mad at her for it. and sadly enough, it doesn't seem to matter what happens to her in my eyes. I ask for guidance every night that I feel something, compassion, love, sympathy, anything but the hate and disgust I feel...it hasn't been working. I want to feel something, because of my dad and all, he still cares about her, i guess just because he has to it is his mom, of course, so I don't know how to change my thinking but wish i could....
By the way, HAPPY 4TH of JULY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
will write more tomorrow.....
ok, so i did some checking and a baby means new beginings and a new phase in our life....it makes sense for where I am right now in my life.
2 comments:
You know what I'm going to say accept it and move on, there are more important things, besides she is old and lonely and maybe she wants to go so that she will can be with her husband again. Maybe you should just change your praying for her to not feel the pain and to just go in peace. Dont burden yourself with regret on something that isnt in your hands anyway.
the humble student said...
yea well i don't really think it's life threatening just a proceedure anyhow. but you are right...
July 04, 2006 3:37 PM
just putting it here so it makes sense later.
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