confessions

Well can I just say today+me=BAD. There are those days when you just need somebody but the somebody you need isn't there, you know, cause they have their own life and are too caught up in it to help you, or just because they don't answer the phone, much busier than you think so they can't really help either. So you find the next best person and spill it all. And afterward, you feel really really good, and a little silly....your problem doesn't seem so big when you give words to it. But she understands and that means more that you really thought it ever could. It's good to know that you aren't the only one who feels the way you do. Then to go hand in hand to the person that you want to talk to is the person that you don't and who you really didn't want to be bothered with. Of course all day you really didn't want to be bothered, isn't wasnt only that one, but ANY one and yet they want to be around you, so what to do in that situation? For fear of sounding bitchy or obnoxious or a brat you didn't want to say anything but accepted the compnay just the same....and the person you have been trying to reach is so close to you but so far away, you can't make the connection you need, and covet so very much right now. So you will deal with your demons without her, for the first time in your life you go it on your own. but it gives you comfort to know that friend that was there for you will always be there for you , no matter how crazy your thoughts or dreams may become. And you wonder, do I deserve the people in my life? probably not, but I've been blessed with them anyway so hopefully the Gods/esses wont ever take them away.

I just came back from a ride around town and it cleared my head quite a bit, but what I must say I just realized again for the like ten millionth time, I stopped off at the park to swing on the swings. I love doing that you know, if i could spend every day on a swing I'd have it made. But anyhow, while I was swinging I said to myself "self, how can you forget what this feels like, the feeling of being a child again? It's indescribable but yet you forget it so easily?" well of course having no answer for my self i just continued to swing, but perhaps someday I will understand why its so easy to forget how to play, experience the world and love like a child
blessed be everyone.

start work tomorrow, hope tonite goes better than last so i don't be sleepy....i'm soooo excited.